Mystery virus hits H&F: violent sickness reported

Spontaneous projectile vomiting has been reported across Hammersmith & Fulham this morning, with local hospitals placed on standby for a major incident. The Norovirus has been ruled out, however, and the likely culprit according to the latest information from the emergency services is the below video which has been viewed by unwitting council tax payers.

The NHS is standing by for more video-induced sickness while human rights groups have expressed concern over the dignity of the council workers involved. Bewarned. 

FRIDAY UPDATE - Hammersmith King Street was today in the grip of the projectile vomit virus, which has been tagged locally as propaganditis - as shoppers stopped in their tracks to shoot their dinners on to the pavements uncontrollably. The cause was an advertising van which had pulled up inside the infected zone and proceeded to blast the video, now widely held responsible for the illness, at unsuspecting passers by.

Police have said they are looking for a large white male, who goes by the aliases of either "Steve", "Guv" or the street-gang name "Leadah" who was apparently spotted by the offending van with a box of chocolates. Police have warned the public not to approach him but to contact them with any sightings.

Dangerman: Police have warned public to steer clear of "Steve"

19 MARCH UPDATE - The vomiting virus has spread up the road to Shepherd's Bush with morning commuters soiling their suits and dropping their tall skinny lattes, according to emergency dispatches from the ambulance service. Reports have linked the the re-emergence of the sickness to some vandalism that appeared in W12 overnight, with lamp-posts having sickness-inducing imagery attached to them. It is thought both the materials and their hoisting were produced with public money.